Taming the Chaos: ADHD, Housework, and Self-Compassion

Taming the Chaos: ADHD, Housework, and Self-Compassion

How a Neurodivergent Brain Faces Everyday Chores

Practical Approaches That Make Cleaning More Manageable

ADHD is often described as a condition with symptoms that include troubled attention, impulsiveness, or hyperactivity. The problem, however, is much bigger and it is related to the executive function when talking about cleaning. Executive function is a collection of skills that allow a person to plan, prioritize, implement, and complete a task. In the situation of ADHD those skills are what we call hard-to-find ones. A task like "clean the kitchen" that is seen as one chore by people who do not have those skills actually represents a dozen of the hidden steps that can make me stumble.

Time blindness is also there. For example, five-minute tidying up can feel as if time has stopped while bigger tasks may seem unmanageable to start. Distractibility is another that is always present. Suppose I am folding my laundry, but the reality is that when I have finished, I was actually scrolling through the phone and not folding the laundry.

At one time, the "mess and guilt cycle" would accompany me constantly. After I would do house chores, the collection of disarrayed personal items would slowly take over the room without me noticing. The tornado chaos of my surroundings was, in fact, the same level to which I was anxious and provoked with shame. Next, I would be filled with so much energy that I would clean the entire house thoroughly for several hours, doing multiple tasks at the same time without stopping. I would exhaust myself and then I would make a promise to each time I break it, the cycle never lasts. Little by little the disorder was returning with guilt. The cycle was making me feel like I was a failure of some sort, people that could do it without any difficulty were my comparison.

It has come to my attention in many different ways that cleaning is a very doable task for my ADHD brain. One of the most effective ones is the breakdown of the disintegration of the chores into micro-steps. Instead of getting angry and saying "Clean the living room," I prefer to say "Fold this blanket" or "Pick up the glasses." That change transforms the primary characteristic of the task from big and scary to doable. Besides, I have also discovered that a timer is an excellent tool for me. Usually, I will set it for ten minutes and lie to myself that I am only supposed to work till it goes off. Most times I continue working even after the timer goes off but, in any case, if I stop, I have already moved forward a little bit.

Besides, I am also able to clean when I want to do something else. To be honest, I can play my favorite sunny music, listen to a podcast, or watch a show while cleaning. Suddenly, cleaning is no longer a punishment but a background activity.

The other factor contributing to my lessened stress level is the cutting down on the amount of decisions I have to make. One of the situations where the decision fatigue will very much be felt is when everything feels like a choice. So I stick to using simple methods, for example, using baskets for things that are not categorized or setting a rule that if I haven’t used a particular item for a year, it is probably going to be out of the way. I sometimes take the bigger tasks and ask for help or support. I have sometimes video called a friend, and we both cleaned our homes while chatting. The process is so much lighter than when you are doing it alone.

Moreover, the greatest turning point for me has been the learning experience when it comes to accepting the "good enough" concept. My desk doesn't have to be perfect for me to feel relief just from clearing most of it gives me a feeling of control. Saying goodbye to perfection has allowed me to acknowledge the progression of work instead of being self-critical.

Of course, the tools have a role to play too. Reminder apps enable me to stay on top of my recurrence chores, and I have also started using clear bins and organizers so that I don’t forget where things are. Sometimes, life gets too much for me, and I would say that I have stopped perceiving the help as a luxury. It is my reset button that allows me to maintain a functional environment without drowning in stress. None of this would happen without the act of self-compassion. I used to treat myself so badly that I would call myself lazy or a failure several times. That thought pattern made the cleaning process a big challenge for me. Now I am aiming to lower my expectations and acknowledge the effort more than the result. Organizing a drawer is still progress anyway. If I manage to wash half of the dishes, I can still give myself a pat on the back. I have had to keep on telling myself that it is more difficult for me to clean because of ADHD than it is for others, and that makes me no less strong, it only means that I need different tactics.

The habit formation is a part where I feel really good. I can light a candle for the cleaning or I can reward myself with tea and a book after the cleaning is done. These habits indicate change as now cleaning is connected with some kind of reward and it is not only work anymore.

One of the most important and necessary things is recognizing and accepting ADHD, anxiety, and depression, which are sometimes known as the trifecta along with it. These disturbances make cleaning harder for me and if I compare myself to neurotypical people, then I will be only more upset. I have reached the stage where I understand that it is more beneficial not to compare oneself to others but to find one’s own pace which is most comfortable for me. The online ADHD community means a lot to me as it is an indispensable support system. The people who are honest about their disorder, the ones that are struggling, and those who win are the ones who make me see that I am not the only one and that my troubles are not me.

I once saw the cleaning process as something I would only do if I had no other choice and considered it a punishment, however, from the moment I started to view it as love the change was radical for me. I no longer see the mess as something that dominates me, rather it is a token to me that I am still the one to choose patience and to apply the methods that fit my personality.

For me to feel good, it is not necessary for my house to be clean; it just has to be at a stage where I rule it. In the past, the cleaning part of my day was mostly a necessity that I even got tired of, but now they are more as a way to confirm my existence. When I clean and organize only a small part of my desk, I feel like I have reclaimed a small part of my life. For example, even on the most stressful days, the bed-making ritual in the morning still gives me a feeling of safety. Every time I clean a place, it is like a promise that I still have the power to go on with my life despite the obstacles that ADHD puts in my way. By cleaning, I have discovered another side of me and, therefore, I am more self-aware. Of course, the repetitive part of folding, sweeping, or wiping can stimulate my brain too much but they also, still, give me a moment of peace.

When the disorder caused by ADHD is cleaned up, it still remains a difficult thing and one cannot just rely on the power of the mind. Actually, it is a triple problem of the brain, the heart, and the environment. I have been able to create doable daily routines by coming up with the right strategies, bringing down my expectations, and promising myself kindness. I am not looking for perfection anymore but at the same time, I am making my house work in my favor. A "good enough" home is still a place of refuge, a sign of one's own care, and a spot for relaxing. And that is what real progress is for me.